The Curious Life of a Wayward Pikin

What Happened When My Girlfriend Chose “Shiloh” Over Me

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Dear Diary,

Everything was going great between us, until I discovered something was starting to happen that I didn’t particularly like. As the weeks passed, I found that I was calling her more and more. You know, more than she used to call me in the beginning when our dalliance first started. I remembered in the beginning when she always used to call me. She used to warn me that “she hoped I wouldn’t mind her getting all up in my business. That she was the intrusive kind of girlfriend that always wanted to know what her boyfriend was up to.” It mattered that I liked her, made a huge difference, so I told her I didn’t mind. I was willing to work on my shìtty communication skills if only I could build something real with her. And now I was faced with this manner of fùckery. I complained and complained to her on multiple occasions.

“What’s up now, babe… You seem detached or busy. Wetin dey sup?”

And then she’d tell me the same thing she always did. She was busy, trying to set up a business. This and that. Things that I totally stanned. But she had already made me used to wanting to always talk with her. She had already got me on board with the communication ish and now this. I remember one time I was in the office and then she called me on my phone and said she was missing me, she wanted us to do a video call on WhatsApp. It was inconvenient but I was like okay. We did the video call and baby girl was nàked as sin in all her sexy glory, twerking in her bathroom for yours truly. I was shocked and quickly put my phone away to look around in case there was someone standing over my shoulder watching. I told her I was in the office – a public place. She told me she didn’t care. Good God, that gave me such a rush. My kinda girl…

Anyway, I was not feeling that vibe anymore. Something was off now, maybe we had had enough of each other so diminishing returns was now setting in, maybe it was only all about the sex, and now that that was done and dusted, maybe there was nothing left. I kept keeping on, and then she apologised once more for being busy, and promised that after Shiloh 2019 coming up that weekend she would be completely free and I’d have her all to myself.

“Wetin consign me consign Shiloh?” I wondered to myself. I was already reaching critical mass, and I tend to be an extremist when I make radical decisions.

I decided to just free her, see what happens. I found that I was now the one who usually started our conversations. Maybe I see a fine-àss picture of her on her WhatsApp status so I comment, and then we talk a little, that’s how we keep in touch. So this time I just freed her. Wanted to see if she’d miss me. Two days turned to three and three days turned to seven, no word from boo-boo. No wahala na, make we dey look. A colleague from work invited me to hang out somewhere with her. I obliged her. That night, we got mad drunk and crazy, next thing we are getting all freaky and frisky, feeling each other up. My colleague is kissing me and snapping photos. She even sends me some on WhatsApp. We order a taxify and head to our respective homes. Nothing happens.

I’m feeling confused cos I remember I once saw on my girl’s WhatsApp status; a guy had gotten her something and she was thanking him profusely. I felt some type of way about that, plus his crib even looked better than mine. Yes, she was in his crib shooting a video thanking him for getting her a vape. A fùcking vape. The excessive gratitude didn’t sit well with me even though the guy looked like the shy, harmless, friend zoned type. Still, I don’t like what I don’t like. After that I stopped viewing her WhatsApp status and stayed off altogether. You aren’t working but I’m working, you can’t tell me that you’re busy. You aren’t busier than me, that’s for sure.

So I got home all drunk, posted raunchy pictures of myself making out with my super sexy colleague on Facebook, and then sipped some hot tea and crossed my legs while waiting patiently for something to happen.

That something happened the next day.

I remember it was a sunday. A strange number was calling me. I call the number strange but at the time I didn’t know it was my girlfriend’s number. I had deleted her number earlier so that I wouldn’t be tempted to call her or view her sexy photos on WhatsApp which compelled me to always keep in touch. I picked, and it was the sound of her voice screaming at the other end of the line that let me know she was the one.

“Who was that girl I saw you kissing on Facebook just now?” She screamed into my ear.

“Who is this? Tinuke? So you are still alive?”

“I said who was that girl you were kissing on Facebook?”

“So you even have credit?” I asked her. “If you didn’t see that picture would you have called me?”

“I asked you a question,” she demanded angrily.

“And I don’t owe you an explanation, okay? You don’t get to call me out of the blues and start asking me fòòlish questions. After how many days?” I retorted in equal measure.

We argued back and forth and then I hung up on her before I said something stùpid that I’d regret. But check this out, she wanted to be a part of my life, yeah? Why all this? Why was I suddenly feeling vulnerable and insecure? It wasn’t a way that I liked to feel.

We called each other for the next few days or a week but we couldn’t seem to get past the series of events that had occurred. She was holding it over my head that I made out with another girl and “cheated” on her. Me? I’m wondering how she could claim to love someone and then decide to call the person even less and less. We are at an impasse. No one can shift ground. Like what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Picture that.

I told her that I only put all that up to make her jealous. I apologised for my indiscretion and insisted that if I didn’t do that she wouldn’t have called me. She had no defense for that except that she was busy and that I was cheating on her and blah blah blah. She even mentioned the fact that she didn’t think she was in the right frame of mind for a relationship (which I always suspected) which if I’m to be honest I don’t think I am too. For one thing, my conflict resolution skills are shìt.

But how many girls want to be told that you only just want to sleep with them and move on? Exactly!

I figured in my mind that it was a done deal and so I decided to keep it moving. Onto the next one, you know? But since that time she never stopped keeping in touch. One time, she called me out of the blues asking if I was home. I asked why? She said she was in the neighborhood and she just wanted to see me. Where most guys would be ecstatic I was terrified. Coming to see me? What if she was coming with a vial of battery acid? What if she was coming with the intention of causing grievous bodily harm? I was at home quite alright, but I told her I was at work. At the time, she seemed like a woman on a mission. What if I had offended her far more than I realise? I know for a fact that I tend to do that to people a lot, despite my better intentions.

It was later that she told me that what I’d done and the way I’d ended things between us had caused her to develop a low self esteem about herself, seeing how so easily I could “replace” her. Yes, my colleague was way more hotter than she was, and that was my intent. To make her feel the same way that she’d made me feel: insecure, unworthy, unlovable and replaceable. In my estimation, she wanted me to fall hopelessly and helplessly in love with her. But she was being very careful not to fall for me completely. When she felt like I had finally caught some feelings, she eased up, feeling that her mission was completed and there was no need to keep on trying. I could be wrong. Maybe she was only focused on starting up her business. About two months ago, she messaged me to tell me that she’d just opened up a unisex salon somewhere on the mainland. I congratulated her.

In hindsight, I feel like we were only going through a rough patch that could’ve been sorted out, but I escalated things and blew it up into a million pieces. I might be wrong, but I feel like that’s what happened. Everytime she hits me up, I feel a pang in my heart telling me that I should have worked harder to secure the relationship.

But, naaah…

Till next time,


Wayward Pikin.

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